Learning to trust God

So  I previously  wrote about how to manage going through an uncertain seasons. One of the things I touch upon is trusting God. Now I want to expand a bit on this on this post. Firstly, trusting God is one of the main important thing in this christian journey and in our relationship with Him. We follow, obey and trust him. Now I have called this post learning to trust instead of trusting God because I have always struggle in this area. Maybe for some people, trusting is easy but for me it extremely hard.
In the past I have difficulty trusting other people mostly because they never kept their words and they always let me down. I understand that no one is perfect and I am probably the worst of them at times but giving my trust away is just really hard for me. With my introverted nature, I tend to keep myself away from people at times. On the other hand it was really easy for me to get close to God from a young age as I used to considered him as the best of friends that will keep all my secrets and because he loved me, he will always had my back.
My mindset flip during my teenage years, when the war started in the country I was living. My life got turned upside down and things were never the same. I was confronted with one of the major question of this life: why God allow bad things to happen to me. It took me years to deal with the trauma and even though I went back to God at the age of 22, I used to feel that all God wanted to do is hurt me. I almost felt like he was against me. Why a loving God will allow me to go through this. Was this a punishment? or maybe he did not love me at all. Because of all theses questions, I actually started to believe that he did not care about me and his plan for me was actually to destroy me.
I also like my independence. Growing up, all my siblings had tutors during their school years. I never had. My father always used to say to me that I did not need one. I was clever enough to do things on my own. This developed in me a type of self-reliance that I carried into adult age. Being my own person, not having to rely or ask anyone: independence is lifestyle that I wanted. But independence is not a realistic lifestyle. The truth is I need people. I need God. On my own, I am not the best version of me and I have limitations.
Additionally, because of my ego and my controlling persona, I always felt frustrated when things do not turn out how I want them to. As a matter of fact, in my life, some things that I did not wanted, actually happened. I had to bury dreams that dear to me and so many doors closed on my face. This did not only discourage me but It made it harder for me to trust him.  God had a plan very different than mine. One that I did not really have a control over at times.
His plan involved so many different elements, places I never heard, people I never thought I met, experiences I never thought about having. Great adventures and also big heartbreaks. Ever since I moved from my country to the UK in 2003, God has always putting me in seasons where I had no idea where I was headed. It feels like I will just have to continue to make the best of my situation with one million questions in my head, and believe that he always carry me through.
But I am learning to trust him
Learning to follow knowing that wherever we are going, I will be okay because he is with me. It sound cliche but it is a simple truth that I am trying to remind myself every day. Learning to embrace that the plan he has for me, and probably letting go of some of my plan. Learning to accept that what he has in store is even more beautiful than the story I had for myself.
Learning to rely more on him more than on myself, cause when I am tired he is not and he can sustain.
Learning to look at him as seasons change, because he remains constant through the years.
Learning to let go of fear, doubts, worries and past pains.
After all,  in the past he has carry me through  very difficult circumstances. I had some prayers that were answered. Some were not necessarily answered as I wanted them to be answered. Some answers were delayed. Well, there were delayed in my mind but it was probably God’s timing.
Ultimately he goes before me and with me so I will be okay in the end.
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Embrace Yellow

Do you think that sometimes we dress the way we feel? We listen music that reflects our feeling. We make our surroundings as reflection of our surroundings.

Since my last year low point moment, I want to feel better and enjoy my life more. I want to be grateful and content. I want to choose joy.

I have called it the Joy project .

It is a process, but I believe that it is the little things that will help.

I know a girl that is obese with colour yellow. Every time she wants to buy an item of clothing, it has to be yellow. I actually lost count of the amount of time she told me that she bought a new yellow item.  Now I got nothing against the colour but truth be told I do not have much of yellow things in my life. I actually adapted a simple colour palette these past years. You have to be black, white, navy, grey or burgundy for me add you to my wardrobe. But how about  a change. Let’s be open to something new. Yellow is the colour of optimism and and amusement. As the colour of the sunlight, it is commonly associated with warmth. In China, it s the colour of happiness, glory and wisdom.

Coincidentally enough, yellow is also one of this year’s spring trends. And although I don’t always follow every fashion trends ( will have to write a blog post about that), I want to follow that one. So far I got myself a yellow dress and a yellow skirt. I also regularly try to buy some daffodils. Daffodils are one of the symbol in Wales so you get a good bundle for £1.

So here is a quick snipet of inspiration of what I found in some of my favourite fashion website while I am  working on my little joy project.

God bless x

Yveline

Yellow candle /Yellow heels/Yellow skirt – H&M

Yellow  round bad/dress – Zara

Yellow skirt – River Island

The Journey to Minimalism

Have you ever lived or being around an hoarder?

When my mother decided to moved back to London three years ago, I had to sort an impossible amount of things. It was an incredible headaches. My mother just love buying things for all sorts of reason and to be honest we can all identify with that. We are all living in this consumer society where adverts constantly battle for our attention, endlessly trying to convince us that we need this or that. As a fashion lover, I am bit of a sucker for clothes, accessories and all around pretty things.

I moved out of my mothers’ house five years ago in a very empty flat. At the time all I had was some books, clothes, my laptop and a desk. Fast forward to now and I have found myself in the reality that I have accumulated stuff. I have not as much as my mother but I am constantly rethinking that I do not want my space to be cluttered with things. I do not want to hoard.

Over the past years, I have become more and more attracted by the concept of minimalism on so many level. This means a lot for me the girl who loves fashion and enjoy buying clothes and accessories.

The beginning

It all really started with the digitalisation of music for me. Now I used to have CDs and when I was way younger I also owned vinyls (I am an older millennial so yeah I had those). I loved my CDs. But then the mp3 portable music came only, i stopped buying CDs and everything went digital.

I felt like it was easier and simple this way. I then started to look at other ways I could simplify thing by using technology. So at the moment, I am paperless for most of my bills including my bank statements. I scanned most important documents.

A new trend

You can argue that Minimalism feels like a trend this day like veganism is for some. But when ou look at it, the concept makes sense and is relevant. We live in a society that is constantly pushing us to consume more and excess is glorified.

Minimalism is broad in the way you want to use. Some people take it to an extreme and some are more moderate. I tend to be more on the moderate side and to be honest I will recommend people to take it step by step. I first try to come up with what i consider the reasons as to why i decided to make my lifestyle more minimalistic.

Being more organised

although my living space is not huge, I do have to clean it like any responsible adult. From time to time, I enjoy cleaning and organising, it is quite therapeutic at times. But when you are busy, it can get in the way. So it is obvious that with a more demanding busy life, getting things done in a more efficient way is a must. I want to be more productive, planning better and work smarter.

Prioritising

There is a need to eliminate the excess and keep the essential. I am really trying to keep what really means something. so now even when i am shopping i really have to think about my purchases – do i really need these things or do i just want them

Not feeling drained down

clutter whether it is physical and mental is exhausting on so many level. I genuinely find it harder to concentrate in a cluttered space. When space are clean and tidy it is easier for me to work and relax. I realised that I like having open spaces and simplicity. So I am currently considering the decor of my flat and how I want it to look like.

Owning less

Now although I love my fashion i am perfectly aware that all my pretty things do not bring me authentic joy. They make me smile and I do enjoy them but to be honest we have all done it;we geeked over something and then after some time, the novelty wears off.

We all have to admit that we are somehow influenced by the media and society to buy this or that. We are told that it will make us happy.

Now even when I a make fashion recommendations in my post, they are just recommendations not obligations. I try to be more sensible about my purchases. I do not always need the latest and this is what I am learning. I actually want to get more classic pieces that can be wears in every seasons and be more mindful of trends that will only last a moment.

In conclusion, It is all a learning curve and I am on this journey to embrace a bit more of simplicity just to make things a bit more orderly.

I just want more space to breathe to really focus on.

Change

Life is made up of seasons: cold seasons and hot seasons; forever changing. Change is actually an unavoidable occurrence in our life journey. However, if you ask most people they will tell you that as humans we don’t always love change. As a matter of fact, most people are scared of change and takes quite some time to adjust to change.
I remember when I was studying my Business degree, my accounting teacher recommended a book to us. It was a simple read but he stated that it was one of the best book ever written. This book was called: ‘Who moved my cheese’. The book follows the story of two groups: mice and humans. Both groups go each morning collecting cheese at a specific spot and returned with it back home. This happens every day. However, one day the cheese is no longer at the specific post. Someone moved it. When the the mice found out, they decided to change their journey and go to another place to find cheese. The humans on the other hand, stayed at the spot, wondering where the cheese went and complaining of the change. They spent hours and days even speaking about their misfortune and make no effort to move on. The book then went on to give examples of four individuals and how accepting and managing change helped them grow. So what is it about change that can left us crippled and makes us refuse to move?
The truth is the reason we struggle the most with change is because we fear the unknown.  When things change, even when we prepared ourselves for it, it can be scary mostly because we do not know what to expect. One can never predict what is around the corner. Even when we can have control over our decisions, we cannot always control our circumstances. Most of us do go through a process when it come to change, especially when it is a drastic change. At first we are shocked and we can fall into denial. Just like the humans in the cheese story we cannot believe what is happening.
We then can get angry and start blaming ourselves or others for the change. Depending on personalities, the curve can be shorter or longer but eventually the period of transition then move to acceptance and action. Additionally, as christians, we can look up at a constant God who can carry us as things and situations around us change. There is this a story in the Bible about a house built on the rock that does not break when the winds blow. God represent the rock. When we are rooted in him, we can remain hopeful when life rocks us back and forth.
In reality, we cannot always stay where we are because we will never grow, and we need to growth. God wants us to growth. We all ought to develop ourselves. Our bodies are a testament of that. We all came in this world as babies who could not talk or walk. But we learn and changed. We became children who asks questions and then read and write. We then became teenagers and puberty lead us to adult bodies with hormones fluctuations and different ways of acting. We could not have stayed babies forever. Such is life, it has variations just like the seasons.
Changes are inevitable. They will happen. Some will be good, Some won’t be. Some we will expect and desire them. Others we will dread and refuse them. Some will make us happy and some will broke us. We cannot avoid them.
But we can learn how to deal with them. I learn the hard way that if you fight change they make your life harder but adapting to change can actually help us progress. Let all be like the mice in the story. And you never know, maybe there is better and bigger cheese waiting for us somewhere else. The only way to find out is to accept the change and move on.

Let hope arise

Every day for my commuting, I take the train to Cardiff, the capital where I work. There is small tunnel that the train need to go through before arriving Newport station. Now this tunnel is particularly dark and at times it seems that it is never-ending. I believe it is about more than two minutes long and sometimes I get up my seat when we get in the tunnel. I do this as I know the tunnel indicates that I will be in Newport soon. I go wait by the door so as soon as the train stop, I can get off and go home.
I don’t necessarily like the tunnel because of its darkness but I am also aware that the tunnel means that I am reaching my destination. And right after the dark, there is light. the tunnel always come to an end. This tunnel is an analogy for the reality of waiting in the dark for the light at the end. There is hoping that the end is near and the light will burst through.
Hope: The desire, aspiration, expectation, anticipation for things to happen. 
Last year, I lost hope.
I was so down, I didn’t know how to get up. It felt like there was no desire to continue and I actually believe that this was the end of me. It felt like the tunnel had no end.
I slightly try to move back up but I was crippled and still hesitant to go on. At the beginning of this year, I felt the heaviness again. I think there must be something about January that just make feel tired. But in a moment I thought to myself that this year had to be better than last year. I cannot repeat last year. There is a need for change or else I will not survive.
This was hard to keep up as I got another bad new in February that shocked me so much I felt like again there is no way out this. I even consider quitting everything.
Then He chased me down in the tunnel.
Through the voices of many, he reminded that one of the reason I couldn’t get back up is mostly because I was looking way too much at the darkness and my own strength   Even when I was thinking about the past, I was paying more attention to the things that brought me pain than the blessings and opportunities that helped me. There were downs but there were also ups. There were moments were I felt low but there were also where he carried me. 
I realised that the issue was not that I will find myself in tunnels but the fact that i was staying in the dark. without any desire to move. I had made the pain my home so much that I could not see that the tunnel is temporary and that when I will come at the end of it, there will be light again. That is where I lost my hope. I refused to believed that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
In perspective, I had to do the same thing I do when I take my train. I had to stand up, ready to go when the train stop at my destination. For some reason, I always believe that the train driver will get me to Newport, so why is it so hard for me to believe that God who is the conductor of the train of my  life, will get me through the tunnel and to my destination.
So it took some tears, some conversations, some preaching, soul searching and prayers but then it happened…It’s like I opened my eyes in the dark and intentionally stood up. I believed again.
My mindset did a total 360.
The same way I used to think about the worst that can happen.
I will think about the opposite.
Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, I am going to think about what could go right.
Hope is always born in the dark.
I will now stand in a position of readiness.
Even when you do not see the light yet, you have to believe that it will come, even when you do not know how or when.
It will come.
Let hope arise.

Suit up

Hello there

Now although we are still in February and temperatures went really low this month Spring fashion has taken over the shop already. I believe people are so eager for the weather to change. And personally, I am tired of all the layering and cannot wait to stop wearing tights.

So as anyone who loves fashion I have been checking my favourite sites for new items. One thing that I have been loving for the new season are suits.

Now I am an assistant manager in a law firm so my wardrobe is 50% of formal wear and being the fashion lover that I am I do not want to just have the classic black attire. I think it is important to have a bit of fun with your outfit. So it was quite interesting seeing the different shapes and colours that are out there.

Let me share with you my findings and I hope you will be inspired to suit up fashionably.

Xx

Yveline

Topshop

ASOS

Missguided

New Look

H&M

What’s in my bag

Here’s a typical fashion blog

Just like most women, I carry a bag where I try to have all my life necessities. It is not an easy task but we all do it. I do have different types of bags that I use: big bag for work and a smaller one for casual outings. For the purpose of this post, I am focusing on my small Zara city bag.

So here’s what I carry around:

Phone

This is just a silver IPhone 6s that I am using since last year.

Keys

They are currently grouped on a big keyring just to make it easier for me to find in the bag

Wallet/card wallet

As I am try to embrace minimalist, I ditched the traditional big wallet and just have a card wallet where I keep my main bank cards. I have put all my loyalty cards on a keychain at the moment. This makes it easier to have less clutter in the bag. Another alternative is to download store apps where your card is registered and you can shop and collect point on the go.

Coin purse

I do not really carry cash but let’s face it sometimes you just need some coins. So I have a cute pink velvet round purse for the odd pennies.

Pencil case

This is just a small one to keep a couple of pens, pencil and highlighter because you never know when you need to write something down.

Mini Make up bag that contain

mirror, lip balm, lipstick, blot powder, concealer, hand cream, hair bands, bobby pins and a roller perfume

Tissues

You do not want to sneeze and make your hands dirty

Sunglasses

It is true that it is not always sunny in the UK, but sometimes the sun comes to say hello.

An Umbrella

Once again, with the UK weather, you always have to carry one

A book

As much as we have a lot of ways to entertain ourselves with our phone, having a book is just the best way to pass time. At least for me it is.