Living in the Present
I have this issue…I find it difficult to be and live in the present. I am a big daydreamer. As a child, I would sometimes just sit quietly in my room, not really responsive, and my imagination will just go off. I will daydream sometimes for more than 20 min. I was mostly imagining stories, or creating all types of scenarios of what should happen, at school or at home.
As an adult, it is different. I am either thinking too much of my past. I am analysing past situations, replaying good and bad memories, trying to make sense of something that I heard someone say or just remembering certain conversation. Or else I am trying to imagine the future or mostly worrying about it. And I stay a bit stuck between both, past and future. The present become, as a result, this moment in space where I am only there for an instant but sometimes it feels like I am not feeling it and I value it less.
My past had its ups and downs. I tend to think about the past in two ways. I try to make sense of what I have been through and how it affects me know. And if I have to be honest, I have made peace with most of the painful times, but I still cannot believe that those things still happened. I did not dream them; it was not the life of another person; it was mine. So I silently replay countless scenes over and over again. Unfortunately It bring forth all the emotions as well; mostly anger, sadness, shame and then bitterness.
Alternatively, the future is I think what I daydream about mostly. I am constantly making up scenes in my head…I prepared future conversations with people mostly. Also, I think a part of me believed that the future will be more exciting as well…Sometimes, we make plans and we are looking forward to certain future events and that is all we can see. ‘Things will be better when…I just need this, and that and the other to be happier”.
But what about now? Now has become a chore. I think that is one of the problem. When the present does not appeal to me, I want to escape it and I therefore create a future that is more convenient to me. At the moment, I think it is mostly because of the routine I am in with work at the office.
But I want, and need to stop that.
Back to reality.
The reality is now…It is what I am supposed to focus on. And after all my now will affect my future. If I want to achieve certain things in the future, I have to work at it now. What I put in now will be seen in the future. One things that I have learned in my life and in my christian walk is that life is made of seasons: some dry seasons and some more bright seasons. I have to live through both…endure the hard one and enjoy the good ones.
So I have to learn to control this mind of mine.
Sometimes one of the hardest things we have to do is controlling our minds and thoughts. My mind is never still. I feels like sometimes it does whatever it wants and I just follow. But it should not be the case.
In Roman 8:6 the Bible says: ‘So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace’.
I have to remind myself, that there is no need for me to think about the past, it is the past, I can just learn from it, be thankful that helped me grow and let go of the negative emotions and accept what took place.
No need also to imagine the future. Most of the time things tend not to turn out like I planned them or imagined them, but it is still okay. God got me and I am hopeful because I know He has good plans for me and He is Faithful.
It takes a lot of discipline. But I have to enjoy this present time, even when the present is not pleasurable. Because once it is gone, it will never come back.